The dating world has undergone a seismic shift in recent years, with the advent of online dating and the growing complexities of modern relationships. Chloe Gray, the founder of Advice by Chloe, has devoted her career to helping people navigate this difficult landscape.
With a background in clinical social work and therapy, she combines professional expertise and practical insights, offering an evidence-based to dating. This unique blend has made her a sought-after dating coach, aiding thousands in their search for love and meaningful connection.
Today, we are delighted to introduce Chloe Gray and gain insights into her journey, including her challenges and the remarkable impact she has had on the lives of her clients.
- From your background in clinical social work and therapy, how did you transition into the realm of dating coaching, and what inspired you to establish Advice by Chloe?
My path was a complete surprise! In 2019, I was laid off from my job while in grad school. I couldn’t find work quickly enough and my savings were running out. As I last-ditch effort to make a few dollars, I posted to Reddit offering to review people’s dating profiles for $5 apiece. Within a few days, I was booked out for weeks and that is how Advice by Chloe was born.
After I graduated with my master’s degree, I decided to expand Advice by Chloe instead of becoming a traditional therapist. Today, I help people navigate the minefield of dating, teach communication skills, and coach effective strategies for dating apps. It’s been an incredible ride, and I’m grateful to do what I love every day!
2. In the ever-evolving world of online dating, what are some of the most common challenges your clients face, and how do you help them overcome these obstacles?
People usually start working with me for one of three main reasons. The most common issue is struggling with online dating—they either aren't getting matches or can't turn matches into dates. The second issue is difficulty in transforming dates into relationships, and the third are clients with limited dating experience and we work towards helping them jump into the world of dating.
For online dating, I teach them how to build a competitive profile and work the algorithms to keep them visible on the app. Then, it’s all about mastering the art of fun, flirty, and short conversations before sealing the deal.
When it comes to dates that don’t turn into relationships, I offer a Mock Date to pinpoint the hiccups. Together, we create a game plan to tackle those weak areas. And for the inexperienced, I offer a program called Flirty Fundamentals so we can deep-dive how to build attraction with intention.
3. What sets your approach apart from other dating coaches or services? How do you incorporate evidence-based strategies and research into your work?
My approach is fundamentally different than most dating coaches who often rely on pickup artistry techniques, a method that’s been proven to be ineffective and predatory.
At Advice by Chloe, I teach my clients skills that foster independence. Each service I offer is designed to teach skills that they will be able to use on their own, focusing on accurately reading cues, assessing interest, and building romantic chemistry that turns into intimacy.
Even if pickup artistry was effective (it’s not), it’s all smoke and mirrors that target women with low self esteem, and require a tremendous amount of charisma to pull off. It doesn’t build healthy relationships.
Instead, I teach my clients how to express interest in their dates in ways that resonate with her, leading to real connections. My approach is grounded in evidence-based techniques that result in fulfilling long-term relationships. They’re also so much easier to learn than PUA and will be universally successful, not just in your dating life, but in your personal and professional life as well.
4. Can you share some success stories or memorable moments from your coaching journey that illustrate the transformative impact of your services?
I have clients who have gone from never having been on a date to happily married! I’ve received a few wedding invitations, and it’s always the coolest experience. The best part of my job is watching my clients transform from blaming themselves for their lack of success, feeling unattractive, or having lost hope, to sending me an excited text message about their amazing first date. Then a second date follows, and a few months later, they tell me they’re in love. It’s a dopamine hit that a room full of puppies couldn’t give.
5. With the rise of dating apps and the digital age, how has the dating landscape changed, and what advice would you give to those navigating this new terrain?
Dating apps are predatory, and they’re designed to make you blame yourself or your appearance for your lack of results. The apps don’t profit from their members being able to quickly find a partner. They make the most money when you’re stuck on the app for a long time, and they’ve set a multitude of traps to keep you there. It’s incredibly important to understand what’s behind the curtain to be consistently successful on the apps. Learning the algorithms and how to create a competitive profile is a game changer, and it's not a very intuitive one.
6. In your experience, what are some of the most common misconceptions or myths surrounding dating and relationships that you aim to dispel through your work?
There are a lot. The biggest one is that men need to look Ryan Gosling be successful on the apps. It’s just not true. Most of my clients are not tall. Most of my clients don’t look like Greek Gods, they’re just normal dudes who are looking for love, casual dating, or hookups. It’s all about learning how to use the apps correctly.
A dating app is a tool that we use to obtain dates, nothing more. Think about it like a toaster. If your toaster burnt your toast every morning, would you decide that you don’t deserve to eat breakfast? Of course not, you’d either change how you’re using the toaster or throw it away and get a new one. Dating apps are nothing more than a fancy toaster, guys, you just have to learn how to use them.
7. As you look towards the future, what new challenges or trends do you anticipate in the dating world, and how are you preparing to address them?
People are burning out on dating apps. Usership has been going down every year for the past few years. This is partly due to the end of the Covid crisis, but it’s also because most people report that they hate the apps. I’m excited to see what happens next. Will The Match Group change their practices to make apps more approachable to their frustrated users, or will Gen Z create something new? I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens, and I’ll be there to guide my clients through the process. Think of me as your Gandolf, only smaller and with a lot less beard.